General consensus among my friends is that 2012 was a rather shitty year. This year was shitty for different people for different reason. I for one am rather relieved that I survived 2012, albeit it a little worse for wear, but I survived! As life goes, 2012 posed a few challenges for me but it wasn’t all bad. Sure I suffered a Panic Attack and now rely on certain prescription chemical, but isn’t this all part of living in a world that sometimes goes bat shit crazy and is a rat race with no finishing line? As I take this opportunity to reflect on some of my highlights and low-lights of 2012 I cannot help but wonder, will 2013 be better?
As some of you know 2012 didn’t start off that entirely great for me. Sure I welcomed in the New Year on the island of Madagascar and spent a glorious 11 carefree days there, but my holiday ended in a disaster culminating in The Day I Almost Died. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would ever end up being a “medical emergency” thirty thousand feet in the air, but I did! I was suffering from double pneumonia. My holiday ended with me landing back in South Africa, going straight to the Emergency Room and being admitted to hospital for 5 fucking days. The perfect start to 2012, don’t you think?
Apart from narrowly escaping death this year I also dabbled in some diet pills. You see I am a sucker for anything that can help you lose weight that doesn’t require any exercise or dieting. After all, I am about five stomach flues away from my goal weight! So when some Chinese Weight Loss Pills promised that I would lose weight without any effort I jumped at the chance. These pills have since been taken off the market because they are “dangerous” and I am still ten kilograms overweight. Fuck! We also had to fire another housekeeper this year. It is really difficult to find good Help these days. In the last two years we had about five housekeepers with The Sleuth, The Bitch and The Sloth being the worst of them. Luckily, we finally found one who might be a keeper, let’s cross our fingers that she does not end up being some deranged serial killer down the road. I would hate for one of my body parts to end up being a souvenir in her basement.
Speaking of serial killers, this year I also, to my utter horror, discovered that I was friended on Facebook by a Psycho Killer. I was friends with Luca Rocco Magnotta. The same guy who killed his boyfriend, videotaped the murder and then proceeded to cut the corpse into pieces and then mailed certain body parts to Canadian politicians. Yes, I can really pick them! He eventually got arrested and I learned how to use Facebook’s block function. This really made me reconsider who I will accept as friends on Facebook, if I ever again get my friend list below 5000. There really are some sick fucks out there and I made it abundantly clear on many occasions that, NO, I don’t want to be friends with people whose profile picks are their genitals or people who use Facebook as their personal sex hookup site. I don’t want to friend your cock!
This year I also had a minor procedure done, you know the kind that delays the effects of time and ageing. Sometimes Botox and the oils of delay aren’t enough and you need a little extra help. This is when I learned that sometimes Beauty Equals Pain. This year I also had an iBreakup. I finally mustered up the courage to dump BlackBerry and switched to iPhone for good. This breakup was long overdue and I know BlackBerry must be upset, but hey, life is a bitch and sometimes you have to put your big girl panties on and deal with it!
As for travel, this was a great year for that. No disasters, no being harassed by customs officials and no diversions to godforsaken airports due to “weather problems'. This year hubby and I went to New York City and this was most definitely one of the highlights of my year. I loved the Big Apple and we took one hell of a big bite out of the city we instantly fell in love with. Sure my public toilet phobia did harass me once again, but hey, even I can sometimes will the power to temporarily overcome certain of my eccentricities! Another highlight this year was the opportunity to be only a few feet away from one of my idols – Lady Gaga! A group of us attended The Born this Way Ball; this was the first time Lady Gaga toured South Africa and Johannesburg couldn’t get enough of her. This was one of the most exciting days I had in 2012! I love that bitch!
Two blog posts that I am particularly proud of this year is one of my pet projects: Through the years I have been collecting old pictures of Gay and Lesbian couples spanning over 100 years. 100 Years of Gay Couples and 100 Years of Lesbian Couples are particularly dear to my heart as they show that we have really been around forever, even before it became “popular”. We sure have come a long way with LGBTI rights over the last 100 years, but we have a long way to go still. There still are some bigoted homophobes out there. This year I lost my shit with one such homophobe named Pastor Oscar Peter Bougardt and I ended up successfully reporting him to the South African Human Rights Commission for hate speech. Presently, they are still investigating the matter. Then there were also the Light of the Nations Church and their stupid billboard which we managed to get removed. Small victories, you might say, but it is with these small victories that the battle will be won.
No year and no life would be complete without pets. Yes, President Jacob Zuma said having and caring for pets is “un-African” but I say fuck that! I love My Cat from Hell and hubby and I do have what some could classify as being a zoo. This year our furry family became even furrier with the addition of two bunnies who likes to pee on you and a tortoise. Currently, we are one gay donkey away from having to move to a farm. Unfortunately, this year also brought a tragedy with an accident that killed Alexi. It was a sad and traumatic day but we made it through it. Rest in Peace Alexi!
Yes, 2012 was a rather shitty year but on the bright side, at least we survived another Apocalypse! 2012 taught me that even though life sometimes throws challenges our way we can all overcome these and the manner in which we overcome these challenges builds character, shows integrity and makes one stronger. Sure this year was rather tough but my saving grace this year was my sense of humor and my ability to sometimes not take life too seriously and to take a moment to laugh at myself. After all without laughter life would be oh so dreary and I prefer to stay on the delightful side of life, if I can. So cheers to 2012. You have been one motherfucking bitch who kicked me in the balls three times this year, but hey I love myself some bitchiness sometimes. Let’s hope 2013 is better. Happy New Year Bitches!
Till next time.