Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Stupid things said in Court

I received this e-mail today and almost fell of my chair laughing, just had to share it with you!  Enjoy!
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?

Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
A: I give you two guesses.

Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A: That is the only kind I know.

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or female?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?
A: huh?

Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
A: I don't understand your question.

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q:  Were there girls?
A: ........

Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
A: ............

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

Q: All you responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Brown?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q:And Mr. Brown was dead at the time, is that correct?
A:No. He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!


tmac2271 said...

hahas good stuff =D

Clueless said...

These are great!! LOL. I was asked by an attorney whose client was suing me and he asked me it I saw any behavior in my client. Now, I really wasn't trying to be a smart alec, but I told him "as a behaviorist that I can see everything (we all have behavior) as behavior and write goals even for you!" I really was not trying to be funny, but I simply was answering the question.

Pierre said...

What makes it funnier is that none of these questions or answers were intended to be funny. Some, however, I think would have been less funny had we read them in context which were not provided.

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