Thursday, April 30, 2009

Botoxified

Every so often we find ourselves looking in the mirror and some of us find something small that we would like to change. For some people it’s their nose, others their teeth, wrinkles, sagging eyes, breasts or cheeks. Very few of us actually do something about it. Maybe it’s due to the cost associated with fixing our little flaws or maybe because some are ashamed. This week I decided to fix a little flaw I had, and decided to undergo a small and relatively painless cosmetic procedure. This experience had me question myself regarding vanity, whether I should be ashamed of having taken the next step to slowing the ageing process or whether I should stand up and be proud of it.


Now, I am no stranger to the world of cosmetic procedures, as I have had 1 yearly cosmetic touch-up ritual: For the past 5 years I have been bleaching my teeth, as being a smoker and having pearly whites are mutually exclusive. I have never been ashamed of bleaching my teeth as it's common practice amongst many of my peers. However, once it comes to having more cosmetic work done it starts becoming controversial - especially if you are only 31 years old! Being gay, and admittedly fighting the good fight against ageing, I have long ago begun researching non-invasive anti-ageing procedures but it’s only recently that I decided to take the next step to what, in my mind, I perceived to be total vanity!

For a long time I have been considering Botox but have always been too scared to go, as I have seen the pictures of the horror stories – and I didn’t want to be one of those expressionless monsters! Unfortunately, I have a tendency to frown upon a lot of things – literally! I frown when I am tired, when people annoy me, when I am angry, when people bore me, when I am pensive and when I am stressed. All this frowning has culminated in 2 very distinct and unflattering frown lines between my eyebrows and 2 very pronounced lines on my forehead. These combinations of frown lines not only make me look older but also have the tendency to make me look unfriendly. So after my husband politely told me to stop frowning while I was watching a documentary on television, I unconsciously made up my mind about fixing this behavioral pattern.

As I became more vocal on the subject matter of Botox in my social circle the Botox Closet opened and a few of my closeted Botox friends revealed themselves. I was amazed, as I never suspected any of them of having had it done. I always thought all Botoxians looked like Nicole Kidman! I was pleasantly surprised to find my friends still able to express emotions adequately and they all have a distinct refreshed and rested look. So I had to get their doctor’s number!


Calling up the plastic surgeon, his secretary answered and I requested an appointment. She asked me what it was for, and in a shy voice I answered “It’s for Botox” (expecting some kind of surprised response which luckily didn’t materialize). It’s astonishing how many times I changed my mind about showing up for my appointment. Even on my way to the Dr I found myself questioning my motive for getting the procedure done, questioning myself about issues of vanity and whether I was still too young to start down this, what I had convinced myself as being, a slippery path to cosmetic addiction.

I mustered the courage to make it to the consultation room and soon found myself face-to-face with myself holding a mirror explaining to the Dr where my flaws were. He had me frown over and over again, while making several markings on my forehead. I was visibly nervous, not so much of the needles and what lay ahead, but because I feared something going wrong (in my mind images of Michael Jackson flashed before my eyes). The Dr reassured me that there were minimal risks and that the procedure is safe. After I was satisfied, he started the injections; all the while explaining to me exactly what he was doing, being compassionate and even cracking a joke here and there. The procedure was relatively pain free and lasted only 20 minutes. When the procedure was concluded I was told that the full effect will only start revealing itself within 3 to 7 days.

As the hours and days past I started to see the results. My husband was the 1st to notice that I looked less stressed (even though I wasn’t). The frown lines slowly started to disappear as the targeted muscles started to respond to the treatment. It’s a weird sensation when the Botox starts working, as you do not feel numb but your ability to frown as before slowly disappears. I found myself in a heated argument with a colleague shortly after the treatment and a bystander later commented that I sounded angrier than I looked during the altercation – that’s when I realized I did the right thing getting Botox! Why should life’s little annoyances age me prematurely?

Having now graduated from bleaching my teeth to getting Botox I must admit I am not ashamed of either cosmetic procedure. Having small little touch ups done fixing small flaws may be considered vanity by some. However, having had it done I am pleased with the results and look and feel great. Anyone who considers having any cosmetic procedure done should do their research well before hand, to prevent becoming one of those horror pictures. We all sometimes look in the mirror and some of us find something small that we would like to change. I have come to the conclusion, that if you have the means to change what you don’t like don’t let fear or pride prevent you from doing so, whether it’s a cosmetic procedure or any other life change!

Till next time!


Were The World Mine

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Dirty Business

Having just survived another African Democratic Election, I am relieved and slightly blue. All the build up and sometimes dirty political campaigns created great expectations of change and a new political landscape. Many political parties were actively wooing the gay & lesbian vote, with promises of putting openly gay politicians in high profile positions. After having casted my vote the final result have now been announced, leaving me asking myself the question - since when have politics become more about political whoring and slander than actually selling of policies and clean politics?
Earlier this week I was quite perturbed about the fact that many GLBT community members showed apathy towards participating in the elections. Like any self respecting homosexual with a keen sense of activism I ranted and raved about this issue on the Internet to the point of nauseating myself. Whether my rants ushered a few homosexuals into the elections queues, I am not sure, but I sure hope it did.
For the past few months the run up to the elections was fraught with controversy. Our president was impeached, the biggest political party appeared to split with another party being born as a result and charges of fraud and corruption was dropped against our soon to be new president. In our country you are innocent until proven guilty, but if you are a politician your are guilty until proven innocent. So whether our new president actually is a criminal has now become immaterial (most of our political leaders have spent some time in jail as political prisoners, so a prison wrap sheet is essential in our government).
When we heard that Madonna wanted to adopt another African child, most of us in South Africa became very excited. You see we have a politician associated with the youth league of a prominent political party. The guy who can no longer be considered to be youthful still acts like a naughty little child and his public mutterings are as embarrassing as the inappropriate references made by a child at family dinners. So we prayed Madonna would leave Malawi, come to South Africa and adopt our problem child, but she never did! Damn you Madonna!!! Julius would have made a nice contribution to your family and you are the only woman, I believe, who could have taught Julius some manners.

Like all elections all our street lamps had a mosaic of political campaign posters, all boring as hell. The radio and television adds were uninspired and underwhelming. When it came to speeches the whoring and slander started. Politicians, in my opinion, behaved like red light district prostitutes trying to solicit voters with the equivalent of political sex talk. They will love you for a long time (5 years to be exact) for a small fee of 2 little crosses on 2 big papers. They highlighted their opponent’s flaws and over emphasizing how going to bed with their competitors will darken your future (no pun intended!). At the end of the day it came down to some mudslinging and wrestling and not the sexy kind!

On voting day my husband and I decided to join the lunch time voters – big mistake! We stood in what felt like an endless queue for 2 hours. In front of us were 2 young and irritating girls who kept on talking about boyfriends, gossiped about their friends and acting their age. They said they jogged everyday, but by judging on how big their behinds were, I am sure the only jogging they did was between the fridge and the couch. Behind us was a nice straight couple with a little 2 year old boy who did not think queuing for the elections were fun. The poor child cried for most of the 2 hours (reminding me why I am not quite ready to adopt a child).

My vote went to the political party I believe will work the hardest for me and my country, the one party I was willing to climb into bed with. The outcome of the elections wasn't very much of a surprise to any of us, but the small victories came as a pleasant glimmer of hope. Many political parties failed to make their mark during the elections and many have been wiped off the political map. Their whoring was not good enough and some are sulking they didn’t have enough funds. Politics is a dirty business! This year’s elections were a hard fought one, but I am disappointed in many politicians for how they chose to run their campaigns. The days of clean politics appear to me to have taken a back seat this year, but with all the whoring and slander it sure was a fun election campaign to watch and participate in. Thank god for democracy!

Till next time.


Milk Trailer

Monday, April 20, 2009

Caution: Free range kids, cats, dogs, frogs and fairies!

There are 2 social events that I dread; both have the potential to bring tears to your eyes for very different reasons. They are weddings and funerals! No matter how much I try to avoid them, I have to endure at least 1 every year. This past weekend changed my aversions towards 1 such event as we attended the most memorable wedding. The venue was a precious little mountain village called Kaapsehoop, population 120. Apart from the breath taking beauty the little village also has some mysteries and even a ghost.
We arrived at the village during the early afternoon. It’s always difficult to describe in words the atmosphere of a place. The village had a sense of tranquility, natural earthly beauty and a sense of freedom about it. Everywhere you look there was something eye catching, from little chickens, ducks, bunnies to horses. I was enchanted by the place. During the late afternoon we took relatively short hike to a look out point, where we bathed in the most spectacular view. The view had to be spectacular as the small hike was up hill and I would have been severely pissed off if it was a disappointment – I broke a sweat after all!

Upon our return we came across some wild horses. Adoring horses, I could not resist going up to them and pet a few. A couple of the horses showed complete disinterest in me, but one found me interesting and allowed me close enough to stroke him. The horse seemed to enjoy the attention as did I, until my husband indicated that the horse was really enjoying what I was doing. I thought to myself “off course he is, I love horses and they generally like me”. Then my husband repeated himself and emphasized the words “really enjoying”. My eyes wondered down to the horse’s male area and were horrified to discover an erection. Immediately I cautiously attempted to walk away. Evidently the horse was not quite done with me and he pursued me and sucked on my arm. This freaked me out and I feared rape and the resulting newspaper headlines flashed before my eyes. Thankfully, I made it away safely and I avoided that particular horse for the rest of the weekend!
That evening we had pre-wedding feast with all the guests of the wedding party. It was pleasant to get to know some of the guest before the actual event and the evening was packed with laughter and the air filled with excitement. The village is rumored to have a ghost lurking around. At dinner we discussed this and laughed it off. However, when I went to the bathroom I had a paranormal experience. After I finished my business I tried to open the bathroom door, and it refused to open. It was almost as if someone or something was pushing the door shut. Not having my phone with me I panicked. I was stuck in the toilet for 10 minutes and just as I was preparing to embarrass myself by screaming for help the door suddenly opened. Whether it was the ghost or just a simple malfunction I will never know, and don’t particularly care to find out. Ghosts are not my thing.
The actual wedding was fantastic. The bride looked like a princess and the groom like her prince. Their love for each was clearly visible and contagious. We were all in awe of what felt like a magical moment. The bride being my husband’s best friend she also shares in his attention to detail and is painfully organized. So it came as no surprise that the whole wedding went off without a single hitch. Everything transpired with military precision and all seemed effortless. We had a grand party after with all the guests and even the staff dancing the night away. We also made some new and interesting friends, all who threatened me with my life and few drunken photo’s to never ever publish their relationship horror stories, which is a pity as they truly are interesting.
The morning after the wedding I was woken up by singing: Our room was right next to the church and they were having their Sunday service. Being hung over from the night before the singing of hymns was not quite good for my head ache, at least the service lasted only and hour. After we packed our bags we joined friends for breakfast. We reflected on the weekend’s events and parted having had a wonderful time. Our weekend at Kaapsehoop was magical and I was a little sad to leave. In the village they have a road sign that reads “Caution: Free range kids, cats, dogs, frogs and fairies!” This is 1 of only 3 road sign there and I believe this road sign sums up the spirit and sense of humor of this quirky little village.

Till next time.



Boystown: West Hollywood (Reality Television Pilot )

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Life is a Drag

Sunday night my husband and I went to a drag show in one of the hottest clubs in our city, as it's not called Legends for nothing. We haven’t been to a drag show in ages. It was an evening filled with over the top outfits, fabulous wigs, exciting impersonations, comedy, drama, a broken stiletto and even an injury resulting in blood being drawn. Returning home in the wee hours of Monday morning, admittedly being a little tipsy, I reflected on the show and thought to myself who ever said being a successful drag artist doesn’t take blood, sweat and tears?

Technically my first date with my husband was a drag show much like the one we attended. Ironically 2 of the artist that preformed were also performing the evening of our 1st date. The divine divas Bianca Bovia and Nomi Peron! It’s astonishing that both divas are still performing 11 years later, and still is mesmerizing on stage. Miss Peron, in my opinion, still does the best Tina Turner impersonation I have ever seen and has the greatest legs. For them to be on stage a decade is quite an achievement, many Hollywood stars doesn’t even have that kind of staying power.

However, the show wasn’t all standing ovations. The Cher impersonator scared me! She looked the way I imagine Cher would have looked like now, if she didn’t have all her surgeries, but at least the outfit was perfectly Cher! I’m no Simon Cowall but I also thought the male live performance was slightly narcissistic and over acted and the guy honestly underwhelmed me. At least he has a great voice and was the only live singing performance of the night.

Other performances that caught my attention were the performance of Miss Cleo Houston Brown and her impersonation of Whitney Houston and the solo cabaret performance. With the Whitney performance I could imagine Whitney being alone in her basement studio in her home, high on crack wearing her favorite dress and performing her little heart out to an imaginary audience in her drug induces state thinking this is the best performance of her life. It was the perfect Whitney impersonation! The cabaret solo performance was perfectly acted and the humor perfectly timed. I found the artist engaging and her choice of material very well suited for her old fashioned over the top style of drag performance. The beehive wig impressed me as I imagine with all the mirrors in it, it could have multiple uses – you can use it either to check your make up or use it as a weapon for self defense.

When it comes to Celine Dion’s “My Heart will go on” I must admit if I have to see one more drag artist perform that song I will scream! However, the rendition we saw was very amusing for the most part because the artist was injured during the performance. Imagine a drag queen in a very expensive looking bikini, sitting in a steel tub paddling her way to shore with a tennis racket; her aching heart painfully visible on her face. Suddenly out of no where she gets thrown with ice multiple times and soaked in water. All of this is done for added drama! Unfortunately, the artist’s hand got cut by a piece of ice, but being the professional she is she finished the performance. By the end she and her bikini were covered in blood – a very dramatic ending to a very dramatic performance. However, I wish “My Heart will go on” would have sunk with the Titanic, as it was beautiful once but now due to it having been over played over the years, it pains my ear drums and agitate my nerves.

Sunday’s drag show lifted my spirit for the week. It was light hearted and free entertainment which I highly recommend. Whether straight or gay no one should ever have to die without having been to a drag show. It’s an injustice you’d do to yourself. There are many successful international drag artists like Rupaul, Jackie Beat & Hedda Lettuce, all famous and talented in their own right. But let’s not forget our own drag celebrities in South Africa, the likes of The Tuck Shop Girls (with my favorite aunty Chrystal Chandelier) and Mince, not excluding all the artists I mentioned earlier.

Life is a drag, and we should all enjoy it! Without our drag queens the GLBT community would be a dull bunch. So thank you to all our Queens for making us laugh, making us cry and entertaining us!

Till next time.



Beaver by Jackie Beat (Please be adviced this video clip is for the mature audience and not for the easily offended!)

Friday, April 10, 2009

Why Should only Straight People Suffer?

Same-sex marriage became legal in South Africa on 30 November 2006 when the Civil Unions Bill was enacted after having been passed by the SA Parliament earlier that month. South Africa became the 5th country, and the 1st in Africa, to legalize same-sex marriage. Now this was a historic occasion for me and my boyfriend of 8 years as we decided to tie-the-knot, and share in the marital bliss of our heterosexual counter parts. Being true homosexuals we decided to do everything in reverse, as we are just fagalicious in that way.

With all marriages you have to endure 5 events before you end up being husband & husband. There is the engagement party, the bachelor’s party, the wedding ceremony, the reception and the honeymoon and usually in that order. Well, at least that’s traditionally how straight people do it. Being gay and this “marriage thing” being very new to us we approached it unconventionally. Now, I don’t hate weddings I just have a strong aversion to the administrative, planning and production side to them. I also don’t see the purpose of some of the traditions and grand order of how a marriage should be consummated. So when we decided that we were going to get married there was only 1 demand from my side – No Wedding Ceremony & No Church! This came as a big disappointment to my husband who like all gay boys dreamed of his perfect fairy tale wedding. After some pouting and negotiation we came to a compromise. We were going to only have a reception for a few of our closest friends, and all the planning and wedding drama was squarely put on my husband’s competent shoulders, and I was happy to just pay my share of the bills.

We decided to skip the engagement party and go on our honeymoon first. We spend the most fantastic 10 days in Egypt. Had cocktails on the Nile, rode Arabian horses in the desert, sun bathed and snorkeled in the red sea. I am aware that the choice of country to celebrate our pending wedlock was a bit strange, it being a Muslim country where homosexuality is illegal and you can get a jail sentence if caught. I must admit we were a bit cautious about being affectionate with each other in public there, but it didn’t stop us from enjoying ourselves or the country. We ended our final evening in Egypt skinny dipping in the red sea, which I highly recommend! On the flight back I proposed to my husband that we become members of the mile high club, but the flight being Egypt Air he wisely declined my offer, so we are not members yet.

Returning from our honeymoon we broke the news of our pending marriage to friends and family. Some were overjoyed others confused. Questions arose about changing of our surnames: My husband and I share the same name and initials. If we were to have changed our surnames to a double barrel surname, sorting mail would have become a huge issue. So for this obvious reason and for professional purposes we kept our respective surnames. A few weeks after same sex marriage was officially legalized we went to a minister’s office with 2 witnesses. In a 30 minute unofficial ceremony we were married. It was simple, uncomplicated and emotional. Receiving that unpretentious piece of paper, legally recognizing our commitment to each other filled me with an indescribable sense of pride for my country and love for my husband. Finally our relationship of 8 years was official and legal!

A month later we had our reception. We booked out an entire section of our favorite restaurant. We had 20 fabulous guests (Actually 21 because 1 guest was pregnant at the time). It was a fun filled evening with laughter, champagne and off course amazing gifts. With our reception we successfully completed the marriage cycle, skipping a few events and doing things in reverse. Looking back on our unconventional wedding almost 3 years ago, I still get a smile on face and I am still in love with my old ball & chain. I am one lucky bastard!

Many people speculated that giving gay people the right to marry would ruin society, degrade the sanctity of marriage and make divorce lawyers millions. God forbid that gay people can actually get married, adopt children and stay married and be happy! The legalization of gay marriage in South Africa has not ruined society; yes there have been a few divorces in the mean time but as far as I know the divorce rate is still much higher amongst heterosexuals.

My wish for the rest of the world is to follow the example of South Africa and allow all GLBT people to get married.

After all why should only straight people have to suffer marriage?

Till next time!


Wanda Sykes on Gay Marriage

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Perfect Creatures

Sporting a new funky hair cut, the male version of the hot little black number, I had my first glimpse of the world of celebrity and fame. Rubbing shoulders with the fashion elite, the fiercest of magazine editors and the odd celebrity is not to be snuffed at. Being amongst all these beautiful and power people who influence the way we dress and the way we are made to believe we must look and feel, had me asking myself a few questions about ourselves. Have we as a society lost our sense of individuality, have we become so superficial that we believe we must emulate what we see in fashion magazines? Have we become voyeurs that ravage tabloids because the blunder of celebrities makes us feel better about ourselves?

Last night my husband and I were VIP guests of Sanlam at SA Fashion week. We were treated like royalty, fed delicious snacks and treated to expensive free champagne. We attended 4 fashion shows in 2 hours. With the first hour we had the coveted front row seats, the ones people would kill their mother’s for, as where you are seated at a fashion show reflects your status and importance in the industry. So for the first hour we were considered elite purely due to our seating assignments, and I could sense the envy of all the little people behind us. With the second hour we were down grated to the second row and the envy shifted.


What we saw ranged from absolute brilliance to the bizarre and dreadful. What was interesting is the fact that haute coutier which will never be seen worn in public reflects the state of a society and what that society deem important at that specific time. The piece de resistance was the last show of the evening which metaphorically commented on the evolution of man, being environmentally aware and emphasized greener living. It’s a pity that these messages translate excessively to the pages of magazines as editors realized that the new trend is going green. Going green is the new in thing, and I wonder whether people actually do take this to heart. The preference that is given to what advertisers want and the size 0 emaciated modals and un-environmentally friendly products is also in stark contrast to the green trend.

Watching some of the male models strutting down the runway I also unconsciously aspire to look like some of them with their chiseled chins, ripped abs and perfect hair. Reality however soon sets in every time I pass a mirror and realize that my genetic make up will never allow me to look like that without the assistance of a skilled plastic surgeon and a substantial cosmetic budget. Yet I buy the clothes, the shoes, the accessories all that is current and in fashion. To a degree I do emulate the images I see in magazines, and they do make me feel good about myself. To be honest, looking good in what I wear does boost my self-confidence. If you look good you feel good. So is trying to emulate what we see in fashion magazines and on the runway so wrong?

Also at the fashion show was one of the most infamous tabloid magazine editors. At first glance she looks quite harmless but on closer inspection one soon discovers that she is quite the bitch. In her profession I guess it comes with the territory as she is probably the most hated person by celebrities in our country. With a few strokes on a key board she can ruin marriages, careers and make thousands of revenue for her magazine. Some people read these type of magazines more religiously than they do their scriptures. I don’t think there is anyone of us who haven’t paged through a tabloid, and got some sense of satisfaction when a famous person gained weight or we see them without make up and realize they aren’t all as beautiful as they appear in movies, TV or in the magazines. It’s moments like those that one comes to really grasp their normality.

Sometimes I feel tabloids over step the boundaries, when they publish personal indiscretions of famous people that ends up hurting their children. The failure of their parents to exert proper moral judgment should not harm them. But then again celebrities should know better. Reading about their sex escapades, drug binges, rehab and bar brawls, makes our problems sometime seem insignificant. We read about their woes and look at our lives with a little more appreciation. I, for one, am very grateful that I am not famous, because if I had to live under a magnifying glass, and with all the little mistakes I have made in my life, I could have earned tabloids millions.

One evening of celebrity and being a Very Important Person (VIP) opened up my eyes to the plethora of self importance and superficiality that one so easily can get addicted to. Yet, I do not think that lifestyle would suit me very well and that I would enjoy sustaining it for any extended period of time. Once or twice a year is more than enough for me. Reflecting back on last night I have came to the conclusion that there is room for fashion in our society and their superficial images as we need that because adorning ourselves with what we are told is beautiful makes us feel good about ourselves, and can even boost our confidence. You don’t need to sacrifice your individuality as you can express your personality by the way you choose to purchase your fashion. We are also voyeurs, as human nature makes us curious creatures. We sometimes revel in the misfortunes of others especially that of famous people as that makes them seem more human. So we are not perfect creatures, but our imperfection is what makes life fabulous!


Till next time.



JUNGLE-GYM Men's Fashion Show ★ produced by SIX INCH inc.

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